Why...

...I started this blog.

I am a twenty-something with something to say.  It seems like the thing to do these days is to start writing online; in reality, this blog is a long time coming.  October of 2013 I found myself sitting in my Economics class feeling pretty low about myself and the way I looked.  I began scribbling away in my notebook about pretty underwear, which will be my next post.  I specifically remember my professor getting all riled up that I was "working on homework for another class," so I chose to blatantly ignore her and continue writing.  It was probably a bit childish, but that was the moment I chose to start a blog - over 8 months ago. 
 
The main goal of my posts will be to answer those little questions I know I (and several of my dear girl friends) have about being a woman.  I will answer why.  You may not find my writing witty, funny, or inspiring, but if even one woman reads this and it helps change her perspective about herself and her identity then I will be tremendously happy.  Long story short, most of my posts will concern the complex being that is a woman's body image, self-confidence, and identity and how the American society can so negatively impact the ways in which we look at ourselves.  Some of my writings may be silly or just a quick jot of my thoughts while others dig more deeply into what is certainly true of each and every woman.  I am a lover of the Lord, of that fact I am not shy.  I want women across the world to know and believe what God says about them, but sometimes the best way to communicate that truth is not through a direct verse from the Bible.  I believe sometimes that truth can be realized through a dash of humor and a bit of passion. 
 
The rest of this post will be a bit of background information on who I am and where my self-image journey began; it is highly personal information.  I am sharing my story in hopes to allow you (the reader) see my own struggles that you may be able to relate with me.  If you're not interested in reading onward, look out for my next post! -RC
 
I am the oldest girl in my family, but I have three biological older brothers.  I played sports and developed into quite the athletic build.  Thin and muscular, no doubt, but not pretty by any means of the word.  Having four brothers didn't help the matter.  Early on the boys picked out certain physical features about me that they decided were worthy enough to make fun of on a regular basis.  "Five Head." "Ape legs." "BIG, no HUGE Nose." These statements, made in light, had long-lasting impacts on the way I viewed (and occasionally view) myself.  On top of the insecurities provided by my brothers, I also felt as though my crazy, curly hair was hideous, my skin was too pale, and my thighs were thunderous.  All throughout high school I compared myself to my much more beautiful gal-friends who always had boyfriends or at the very least interests.  The lack of desired attention I was receiving in that department set those self-esteem bars even lower.  By the age of 17 I hated myself and everything about my looks.  I do not say this to receive pity nor do I want anyone reading this to think, "She was skinny...How could she think she was ugly?"  That's the thing: we all have our fair share of body image issues.  Those issues manifest themselves in many different ways for every woman; it is not a contest to see who feels worse or better about themselves.  Whenever we look in the mirror we each see something incredibly different than the next person. That said, I know for me, it resulted in a deep rooted hatred for the way I looked. 
 
For now, that is what I choose to share.  This is my baseline; this is where my journey began.
 
Best,
Renèe
 
Me (on the right) in 8th grade... not sure much has changed!