Why I Snap...

This post is quite a bit less serious in relation to other topics I've written about.  Yet, it will manage to reveal quite a bit about my personal beliefs on how we should treat others.

Today at church, I snapped at a woman sharing a word on the stage.  I snapped at the pastor while he gave the sermon.  I snap at people all the time, in fact.  If you type in "snap definition" into your search bar, you'll find upwards of 15 definitions for "snap" including a type of jacket fastener, a quick movement or breaking sound, and a manner in which an animal may eat.   In this case, I literally mean the snapping of my fingers.  I physically snap my thumbs and my middle fingers at people to indicate something.  Band directors snap at people to keep time.  People snap at others to express anger or urgency.  I snap for another reason - a reason more people should snap to. 

If you have warranted a snap from Renèe Cisar,

 you have done one of three things:

1) You've said something that

 really resonates with her

2) You've said something that

she completely agrees with

3) You've done something that she is

 so impressed with she's speechless

^The people who know me know

 how hard that last one is to achieve. 

Now, I started doing this about 2 years ago  in #reslife, and it stuck.  Trust me, I have been made fun of again and again for this, but I think people secretly like the affirmation that what they're saying is really meaningful and touching someone in the room.  It's like a "Amen" or a "Yeah!" without the verbal disruption (although, I'll throw those in on occasion, too). 

The trick is this: I don't limit this confidence-booster to church.  I snap at professors, classmates, and students at school.  I snap with my friends whenever we go out.  I snap when I'm talking to a stranger and we get to chatting about more than the weather.  I snap because it means I'm listening to you, and I feel what you are saying.  It's a means of creating relationships.  Added bonus, it adds in an element of laughter when someone is caught off guard or isn't quite sure what's going on. 

So, next time you hear me snap - no worries!  I'm not angry or trying to rush you.  I'm connecting with you and feel that you have a right to know.

Until next time, friends.
Renèe :)

Why... Pt. 2

...I started this blog round two.  

In my verrrrry first post I shared some fairly deep rooted issue as my inspiration for this blog in the first place. Here's a sample: "Five Head." "Ape legs." "BIG, no HUGE Nose.... All throughout high school I compared myself to my much more beautiful gal-friends who always had boyfriends or at the very least interests.  The lack of desired attention I was receiving in that department set those self-esteem bars even lower.  By the age of 17 I hated myself and everything about my looks."

Now come the college years.  I cannot believe that years between high school graduation and now went by so incredibly fast.  Nor can I believe just how much I've changed.
At 18 I couldn't tell if UMSL would be too terribly different from high school or my insecurities would continue to enslave me.  Enslave.  It is certainly an intense word, but that's how I felt.  Trapped under the feeling that I would never be enough... And even though I have changed, it truly surprises me just how easily that feeling can creep back into my life. 

My perspective has changed - thank god.  I was never too much of a party girl; I went to parties, but not every weekend.  I would say the peak of my self-absorbency came during the summer of 2013.  I can say that although I made some choices that I'm not  particularly proud of, I developed from each of them.  Lots of those choices came from a place of thinking that the male attention I received would make me feel wanted and desired.  I think it's fairly obvious that that's not the answer I needed, just the answer that was easiest.  The harder answer is...well...just harder. 

It's harder to accept that my life may not fit within the molds that society has constructed.  It's harder to realize that I may not be alone, but there are times I'm really lonely.  It's harder to be approached by attractive men who want to be with me (even if only for a little while and for a little fun) and say a determined no.  It's harder to scroll through my Facebook and see couples popping up everywhere (man, I sure am at that age...) and truly being okay.  It's wonderful to have such supportive friends and family, but that doesn't mean I don't have my moments where a glass of wine is exactly what the doctor ordered. 

I wish I could say it's easy as the Jackson 5 makes it sound, but I'm no liar.  I'm just looking forward to something different.  But I'm also not placing my worth in what someone else thinks about me. Allowing God to lead in my life is so much more promising than steering my own ship.  So, yeah, I'm living a bit differently, but I'm no longer chained to my insecurities.

Until next time, friends.
-Renèe :)

 

In honor of my sisters who graduated from high school this week! :)